SimonHarlingBlog Posts

We don’t need a system that tells us where we should be.

Ask instead.

What do we want to be?

In the 90s Ronseal captured the idea of the brand promise with the slogan “It does exactly what it says on the tin”.

If you liked what it said on the tin, and that’s what you got. Why go anywhere else?

Of course, the world has changed and what we see is not all there is. There is always more to see. But the promise still remains.

Do what it says on the tin.

What’s the alternative?

Two ears, one mouth.

Set to receive rather than broadcast.

And most of all, without fear.

I recently invited 50 coaches within a group to give a 5-minute talk about what they are working on. Not one of them took the offer up.

It takes guts and empathy to have a meaningful conversation.

The idea is that some kids develop earlier than others, whilst others develop later than the rest.

That’s not a surprise. And the reason it’s not a surprise is that we have all become experts in science speak. Mix money, media, and science together and you get noise.

Lots of noise.

What if this idea of late and early developers was just made up?

It is. But, who benefits? For, that answer you need to follow the money.

The alternative is to believe that each kid is exactly where they need to be now. They are neither late nor early. But right on time.

Because there is nothing to be late for.

We need to change the system because it’s failing our kids.

When we change the system, our language will change, how we think will change, and more importantly how we act will change.

And change is what we must do.

The latest Sport Wales Sports School Report makes for depressing reading. So don’t read it. You probably already know what it’s going to tell you.

Kids are less active and disengaged with sports and it’s worse if you are from a poor community.

We are wasting millions of pounds each year and doing a terrible job.

Why?

Because sport is based on status and hierarchy and its model is shaped like a pyramid. Lots of people at the bottom, although there are fewer now, and a few superstars at the top.

It makes sense if you want a superstar. Zero sense if you want an active nation.

The question is. Which one do you want?

After all, it’s your money.

Ed Sheeran describes how earning £200 singing covers at a wedding paid his rent.

Derek Sivers tells a story about gigging on the weekend to cover his outgoings.

From that point on there was no panic only a way forward.

Find a way to give yourself permission to pursue the path you want to take.

Elvis was the exception that proves the rule.

But don’t be fooled by randomness, you don’t need to be exceptional to achieve mastery. But you do need to master the basics over time.

The choices are take it or leave it.

But, that’s rarely ever the case. Sooner or later there will be another fork in the road and another choice to make.

Keeping your facts separate from your stories will help.

Elvis Presley featured in 31 films, released over 150 albums and singles, and his records have as sold over one billion copies worldwide.

One hour a day writing one blog a day is 365 blogs a year. You get the idea. Find your Elvis.

That’s a rule from the book Food Rules by Michael Pollan.

It’s funny, it captures your attention and then it directs your attention to the colour of your milk in the cereal bowl.

You don’t have to listen to the advice or even comply.

But just maybe you are curious enough to ask why it’s a good idea not to have cereal that colours your milk.

It’s the reason authors get famous people to write something nice about their books.

It’s why pre-sales are in a marketer’s planner.

And why a charity fundraiser that is close to its target will outperform an appeal that is struggling to get off the floor.

We follow the crowd.

Not I or you but We.

A must-do better message wrapped in positive feedback.

Make the bread too thick, like a doorstep sandwich, and you miss the filling. Too thin and shit goes everywhere.

The alternative is to ask them what they were hoping for in their sandwich.

What are you proud of?

What did you want to happen?

What didn’t you want to happen?

Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?

Simon stole the cookies from the cookie jar (I thought I’d start with the most likely culprit).

Who me?

Yes, You!

Not me!

Then who?

The song goes on as long as there are people to sing it – an infinity loop. It will continue endlessly unless an external intervention takes place.

When David Goggins replaced the cookies in his jar with affirmation statements that reminded him of what he had achieved, he broke the infinity loop. He was no longer stealing cookies from the cookie jar; instead, he reminded himself of the person he wants to be.

We all know who steals the cookies from the cookie jar. The trick is to own it. And then do something about it.

A word to connect other words together. Like fish and chips, bread and butter. And we can use it to add an additional comment.

Yes, and is a great word, it opens us to possibility.

And tomorrow we get to do it all again.

Splitting the difference might be terrible advice when negotiating a sale price for your car. But when it comes to judgments (made in isolation to avoid socialisation) it’s likely there is wisdom in crowds.

Which makes me wonder where the wisdom in political parties lies?

Finishing writing a book, Ph.D. or a new curriculum is subject to Hofstadter’s law which states”It always takes longer than expected, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s law.”

Try individually polling the group you are working with and ask someone who has done it before.

But as a general rule of thumb.

If you have been waiting for the project to finish for the last two months, don’t expect it tomorrow, expect it in a couple of month’s time.

Do you focus on the result you want and develop the skills you need or do you develop the skills you want and accept the result you get?

That depends on whether you love the work you do or you are in love with the result you could get.

For as long as the search continues that’s your punishment.

And if you do stop searching that’s your punishment.

If you are willing to take responsibility for what you care about then you are ready to walk if you are neither contributing nor learning.

Stand up. Go find a place where you can contribute. Repeat as necessary.

A proxy measure is an indirect measure of the outcome you want.

There are countless examples in sports and exercise science.

Maximal oxygen uptake when thinking about winning the marathon.

Strength when thinking about winning the 100m at the Olympics.

Possession and territory when winning the premier league.

A mirage is not as helpful as an oasis.

“The frightened and demoralised take orders and hope for the best” Tony Benn

Fear before hope is a tried and tested management technique. To lead try flipping the thinking.

We are quick to react. Finger-pointing, frustration, and the chance to vent. Perhaps that’s the beauty of sport because if you get it wrong you get a chance to get it right next time.

Two teacher stories from my kids this week.

One teacher pulled off the worm. The other made a trumpet out of a length of long grass and the kids joined in.

We should talk more about learning, creativity, and the drudge of education but we should also acknowledge the job that teachers do now.

Getting kids to fit the curriculum rather than the reverse is a thankless job. So Thank you.

It’s on us to now demand better for our kids and the teachers that serve them and us.

Two kids I know, no older than 12 years old, came home this week having quit a sport. They quit because no one would pass them the ball. One was a rugby ball the other a football.

“Trust everybody, but always cut the pack” is a story about taking precautions. Cutting the pack of cards before a card game reduces the chances of cheating. A simple routine that maintains trust in the game.

Where are the routines in youth sports that show us that we should trust the “house”?

They just don’t. Neither should we wish for it.

Rather than “under” the circumstances. What would happen if you got yourself to a place where you were “in” the circumstances, working to understand them?

Because being “under” the influence is not the place to be.

You did the best you could. Under the circumstances, it was as good as it gets. And that’s the thing with circumstances, they get in the way.

The opportunity is to find out if those circumstances are real or imaginary.

Write and write so more to pass through copying and conforming to something that surprises you.

That’s the moment when you have written something worth reading.

It’s a phrase that needs some explaining. It could mean, let’s just sit on it and do nothing. Or it could mean let’s figure this thing out by understanding the situation we are in.

Progress begins by owning the ground you stand on and that means paying attention to what’s around you.

Famous people answer the same few questions and we get to compare their answers. Or, maybe the expert answers questions from the audience at the end of an event. Part of the deal is there is always an answer.

Some questions don’t provide the right answer. Instead, they focus our attention on what matters. Bringing energy, inquiry, and possibility.

Perhaps the answers aren’t right but they might just be helpful.

Here is a simple agenda for your meeting.

How did we get here?

What do we understand about where we are?

What needs to happen?

What steps do we each need to take?

What have we agreed?

May your meetings be short and your conversations meaningful.

We are wiser together than we are alone.

There is something very powerful about a group of like-minded people connecting in conversation. Join me this Monday 22nd May 7.30 pm (GMT) on Zoom. When we start the meeting with the prompt. What is coaching for?

I’m looking forward to the knowledge that emerges.

You can join in the conversation by following this link.

Managing a group of kids to throw, catch and hit a ball is tricky. Keeping the interest high while controlling and directing the group. It’s not easy.

I overheard a parent say “It’s like herding cats”.

The session I was watching looked like a kid’s sports session. Borderline chaos with just enough compliance to make it look like the kids were heading in the right direction. Cricket bats face forward, with windmill arms for bowling, and arms outstretched to receive a ball.

I can’t help wondering what would have happened if the kit had just been left on the floor away from parents and coaches for the kids to play. As adults, we might not have recognised what happened next. And maybe that’s the issue.

Adapting and working with the kids as they figure out what they were trying to do is less about herding cats and more about understanding where they are and where they want to go.

I once ran a small group training format that had over 80 people enrolled each paying between £60-80 for 6 weeks of training. It was hugely popular. I’ll let you do the maths.

I had MSc students run the program and the numbers that went with it. I often felt it would have been easier to launch a rocket. But something else bothered me.

By and large, people were happy to show up when they wanted to not when they needed to. The cohort, enrolled in the program but not in the results. So, I pulled it, because our energy was taken not on creating change but on enrolling people in the program.

Two things I would now do differently.

1. Small group training made lots of money. We could have kept it on and doubled down on providing enterTRAINment (yes I made that word up).
2. Created a smaller program with a high bar to entry that focused not on enrollment in the program but enrollment in the results.

They say never to work with animals, kids, and gym goers probably because working with rockets is easier.

When I ran a white-collar boxing event contenders had to pass the table test.

The table test is simple. If you bought a table before week 5 of the 8-week program we knew you would box. If you didn’t then we couldn’t rely on you.

So what was going on?

Boxers who bought a table were increasing their commitment.

Sunk costs of an entry fee were not enough. Some contenders dropped out. But no one complained. Why would you tell anyone that you were not up for a fight?

The peer pressure of the training group was always a major contributor to the experience but not always enough of a reason to look failure in the eye and commit.

But, when you invited friends along for the journey you were creating a prize worth fighting for. Not a belt, a championship, or prize money. Instead, the prize was respect, admiration, and the chance to be someone. The topic of conversation around the water cooler.

If you want to create change the sunk cost of registration is rarely enough to keep them coming back for me. You need a table test. A way of increasing commitment as the demands of change get bigger.

Footballers often hold back in their first fitness test of preseason to ensure they beat their score in the second test. Fitness testing is not for the player’s benefit, it’s for compliance. No matter what the test score says good players will play on Saturday.

Rather than trying to figure out what level you can get players to by the end of the preseason. A better question might be. When do they do their best work?

A map will tell you where you are and a compass offers you direction.

Your definition of success is your compass and your measure of success (metrics) is your map.

Why obsess over maps if you don’t have a compass?

I still see social media shots of meetings that are one person at the front and an audience arranged behind.

A smorgasbord of tools, a dashboard of data, and a buffet lunch are not going to change my mind.

Asking what’s on my mind might be a better place to start.

Measure twice, and cut once is a reminder to double-check your workings. Not bad advice.

Quentin Tarantino famously didn’t go to film school. Instead, he learned as he went along. “I realised that I didn’t have what I thought I had.” And as hard as that was to take, it was ok, because Tarantino treated his failure as an education. Learning on the job was film school.

The first time you measure you have no clue what you are measuring. And at that point you have options:

Hide the fact that it’s shit.

Move on to measure it all over again.

Quit and hire someone who knows what the f**ck they are doing.

Learning that you don’t have what you thought you had, that’s an education. The question is. What are you going to do about it?

If I had set a SMART goal of writing my first book within a year, it might have felt achievable but I would have been wrong. Unrealistic.

But, what I could do, was commit to writing for 3 hours every day. Because I knew I had the resources. What I didn’t know much about was the outcome.

Making and creating choices is part of the creative process.

For novice boxers, shadowboxing offers a chance to practice and perfect techniques. Very quickly you can look like a boxer without ever taking a risk. But what makes boxing such a noble sport is the only way to win is to learn to take a punch.

Do you know how rare it is for someone to say yes and really mean it? I’m sure you do. There is no punchline to this other than to say if you have someone in your life who is up for doing things and really means it. You’re lucky.

Enjoy.

No one who has lost control of their limbs running down a steep bank says “I wish I could go faster so that I can get this over with”.

You might want to solve your problems quickly. But, slowing down long enough to hear what others have to say might just be a smart move.

I don’t know if you saw the piece on the BBC sports website that caught my eye this week. The headline read.

There’s no failure in sports.

“Some days you’re able to be successful, some days you’re not. Some days it’s your turn, some days it’s not your turn…Michael Jordan played for 15 years, he won six championships, so the other nine years he was a failure?”

For Milwaukee Bucks star Giannis Antetokounmpo, it’s clear that failure is not losing a basketball game.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the last few weeks helping coaches reimagine what success looks like for them. We could say the same for failure. Because once we become clear on what success and failure look like it has the power to change what we do.

You can join us in person here and online here

Evergreen marketing content has no obvious expiration date. Testimonials, FAQs, and “How to” guides are examples of content that doesn’t change much. Evergreen trees don’t change much either, although they lose their foliage it’s gradually and not all at once like a deciduous tree.

I’ve noticed that kid’s football has now turned into a year-round sport, tournaments replace fixtures, and friendlies fill the gaps. Football is now evergreen not seasonal.

A company isn’t going to turn off its marketing campaign. An evergreen tree needs to keep its leaves. But a kid’s sport.

What are they afraid might happen?

You can rethink the design of every blog, book, or project you come into contact with. Or you can spend the time to codify it all before you start.

Forever measure and cut or measure twice, and cut once.

Acting on one’s own authority.

It’s stories we fall for not facts. And if that story helps you to make choices and manage your life in a helpful way. Then that’s a helpful belief. Fact.

Riding past four construction workers today my youngest pointed out that only one was working. One was eating, one was smoking and the other stood there watching the one construction worker who was actually living up to their title.

It is easy to find something to do other than work.

Perhaps one of the attractions of being a coach is that no one really knows what you do. Some drink coffee while their client punches out in the gym. Others look at their phone or talk to people on the sidelines about their plans for the weekend.

I’m running a series of events for coaches where we talk about what success looks like for them. And I’ve noticed that a lot of coaches don’t show up. No explanation, no reply to a follow-up email I send out, nothing.

I share the construction worker story not to perpetuate a lazy stereotype about construction workers but to offer a challenge to coaches.

When thinking about success as a coach, a great place to start is to think about how you want to show up. Of course, writing a letter of intent, setting expectations, or creating standards is risky. You might fail.

But then again, you failed, when you didn’t show up.

The Tour Divide requires a letter of intent from cyclists. There is no entry fee. Simply a letter that states who you are and where you are from.

A letter of intent gets you on the starting line. But you also need to find a way to see it through. Less than 50% of the entrees of a Tour Divide race will finish.

A less than 50% success rate is not great odds. So why bother?

Putting yourself on the hook is not about winning or even finishing it’s about paying the price to be on the starting line.

Calling out big mistakes is not as helpful as we might think. In isolation, stopping to call out the thing that went wrong, ignores all the little things that went right and wrong. You missed it.

Making donkey noises each time a kid knocks over a hurdle gets attention. But, what are we actually paying attention to?

Over the last two weeks of In The Coaches Corner, I have meet coaches who are comfortable leading and others who follow. Some empower their kids by showing them what they can do. While others tell people what to do.

What would change if you had the flexibility to do both? 

Guidelines, rules, and directives are in place to help us make the right decisions. But, that can feel restrictive, a challenge to our discretion. Our ability to make the right call and show good judgement.

The challenge is not whether you are free or restricted it’s whether you have the right recipe to deal with your judgements.

For many freedom is doing whatever we want to do. Telling people what to do is not part of that vision of freedom. In fact, quite the opposite.

The perception of coaching is that we tell people what to do. When in fact, it’s quite the opposite. Coaching is the ability to show people what they can do.

We help people find freedom within constraints.

The Golden Buddha started out life as a seated Buddha statue weighing in at a staggering 5,500 tonnes. At some time in its life, not to hide its beauty but to protect it from danger. It was covered in plaster and coloured glass and remained that way for over 200 years.

A reminder to live into the possibility of what could be inside of us.

I”m delighted to announce that In The Coaches Corner has some NEW dates.

Perhaps you are a coach who wants to get clear on what success looks like for you.

Maybe you would like the opportunity to speak up about the project you are working on.

Or take this chance to meet other coaches.

Whatever your reason meet us online or in person each and every Monday 5-7pm for the next 3 months.

Details of the first Online event on the 24th of April 2023

Details of the next IN PERSON event on the 15th of May 2023

Blocking out 3 hours of my day to write and then finishing the day with fewer words on my page than when I started has been a challenge.

One I have enjoyed.

I figure I’m closer to finishing than starting.

And for now, at least, the words I’m left with are more encouraging than the ones I cut.

Compared to their full-time or elite counterparts, volunteer coaches know less about their sport. To close the gap in knowledge of the game, coach education courses are big business. But just how important is the gap?

Speaking to coaches last night it became clear to me their success relied on innovation, not coaching. A chance to do something that matters, something no one else is doing, was at the heart of our conversation. Knowledge about the game is not nearly as important as the curiosity to want to solve the challenges you face now.

If you are a coach who would like the chance to speak up you can find us here.

Picking a player of the year feels predictable. Only one goalkeeper, LevYashin, has ever won the prestigious Ballon d’Or since its inception in 1956. But what if you picked a player at random and celebrated their contribution?

Building a life that accepts randomness as a part of it, might just make us more resilient, and appreciative of the things we do have.

Yesterday I was at Propyard Bristol, a platform for creatives. “Making space for creativity, culture, and shared experience” is their tagline.

Whom do you think they serve?

The creatives who turn up and put on a show.

Or

The paying punters.

My guess is they are close to figuring it out. Delighted by their experience, my party will be back and I’m sure they will be telling others about it too.

We know our response to strength training. A period of recovery and adaptation follows a stressful event (not being late to the gym) but lifting heavy weights. Do it often enough and you get stronger.

Turn up late often enough and you get a different adaptation that creates tension.

Attempt and fail is useful in the gym and in life, just not every time.

If the bloke in the pub happens to be a lawyer, a headmaster, or a successful businessman their opinion may sway you. A polished, well-rehearsed story is easy to fall for. But it’s more about status than it is about facts.

Try this show-stopper:

“What does your opinion depend on for it to be true?”

The world is waiting for you, not your baggage.

I’ve recruited a number of graduates into work placements. And on the other side of the fence, I’ve worked for free to gain experience. Both times, the gap between where you are and where you would like to go remained.

And yet, creative tension is exactly what is missing. If you can help a company, a talented and ideally connected individual, or a collective ship their work it might just be worth it.

The alternative is to try to keep your internship supervisor happy while they think they are doing you a favour.

The hope is the choice of B over A creates the change you seek.

And it’s likely that you needed to downplay A to choose B.

But know that unless A is no longer a choice, it’s still a choice, act accordingly.

There is little point in asking a “hanging judge” for leniency.

A strength coach will have no sympathy when you show up tired from running laps.

A nitpicking critic won’t appreciate you pointing out his spelling mistake.

Understanding what people think they do, might just save you a lot of time in the long run.

Yesterday I walked slowly through a local park picking wild garlic for a pesto recipe.

Today I flew through the forest, hanging on to my mountain bike, I daren’t let go.

Sometimes, we cling so tight, we forget why.

Being out in nature is a privilege I hope you get a chance to experience it this easter holiday.

Whether we like it or not, we play status games, in an attempt to fit in AND stand out.

Seven Rules of The Status Game:

1. Practice warmth, Sincerity, and Competence. 
2. Choose prestige over dominance
3. Play a multitude of status games. But focus energy on games you consider important. 
4. Reduce your moral sphere. Worry about your own shit. Turn the gaze inwards. 
5. Have a trade-off mindset. Good or bad is bullshit. It’s all created. 
6. Be different. But don’t break the rules and be useful to the group.
7. Never forget you are dreaming. The aim is to play not win.

Opinions dressed up as facts are not nearly as helpful as a judgment that has a framework but nothing is more helpful than a question.

Watching my kids in a local stage school’s production of the musical Matilda reminded me just how magical teaching can be when you get it right.

The confident kids carry the less confident kids but they all travel together.

There is a chance to contribute however small you or your part is.

Pressure, performance, and an end goal can work for you when kindness, respect, and compassion are also present.

“The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it’s time to go shopping for a saddle.” Lucky Number Slevin.

I’ve yet to find a better quote to help me understand the theory of self-determination.

Starting with a beginner’s mind is appealing. A chance to approach each day as a new project, every situation a fresh. Present with a moment-to-moment focus.

It might not be possible, but it’s well worth trying.

“Under the circumstances”

“Given the difficult nature of the situation”

To produce something that no one else can, constraints are a feature, not a fault.

Based on the assumption that novice trainers, including kids, don’t know how to squat. The logical course of action for the professional coach is to provide visual inputs for them to copy. Demo, demo, demo.

But what if that assumption was wrong? What if the “expert” didn’t know what they didn’t know? What if what they were paying attention to was irrelevant? And what was missing was important?

When you work with unknown unknowns the best way forward is to experiment. What happens when you move faster, or slower, put your arms in the air, and so on?

“Isn’t that interesting” might be a better response than I told you so?

Do leaders eat first or last? I’ve no idea. That’s up to you and the people you serve to decide, but maybe you can eat together.

One of the biggest attractions to writing a coaching philosophy is to take the thinking out of it.

If you don’t want to lose your mind when kids badger you for their time on the pitch. Create a simple roster that they can manage. Better still, help them create their own.

If you do want to lose your mind, while surrounded by kids and agitated parents, you know what to do. Think about it.

I know what I like and I like what I know. Or so we think. Yet, there is plenty of research that reminds us that many of us bend what we think we know to fit in.

Rather than be clear on what we put first, we shuffle the pack, to suit the audience. Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them….well, I have others. Grouch Marx.

I don’t know if a high degree of reflexivity is trainable but I imagine it is. Tell us what you stand for. Better still write it down and share it.

I once ran white-collar boxing events. The boxers who had bought a table for family and friends to watch were all in. Anyone else was a flight risk.

For over 20 events stretching over 10 years, the heuristic was reliable.

Commitment is created through a series of steps not a declaration.

When you love the sport that you have played since you were a kid you want to give something back.

The question is what.

Maybe it’s the passion for the sport, perhaps it’s a unique insight or simply to extend a hand to the next generation. Whatever it is, by staying involved, you think you can pass it on.

How do you think people will learn from you?

What will that look like in practice?

How will you facilitate this in practice?

To shift from doing things right to doing the right thing requires us to be clear on what a successful outcome might look like.

Creating the room to make mistakes is more valuable than ever.

We can hide away because our mistakes appear more visible, permanent, and costly than ever before.

Or we can decide to embrace the opportunity because we suffer more in our imagination than we do in reality.

If you want to create an environment that is safe and enjoyable for your players to learn new things and not be afraid to make mistakes it starts with you.

If you want to improve first you need to practice so let’s do it together In The Coaches Corner.

Few people stick it out most will twist.

When you stick you it out you get to see what happens at the end.

With that in mind, before you start, know when to hold and know when to fold.

Coaches using Chat GPT for content marketing makes sense.

It makes less sense to use Chat GPT when you are working through ideas, connecting the dots, and developing your communication skills.

If you do one you might not need the other.

“One of the girls in Parkour encouraged me to give it a go, she helped make me better.”

The words of my eldest daughter faced with a jump that she wasn’t sure she could make.

Someone helped my daughter begin to believe that just maybe she could. So she gave it a try. Sometimes it’s that simple.

Rather than looking for attention, pay attention.

What is not working?

What do you need to do to make it work?

Frustration is your cue to replace what you want with what you need.

After a long drawn-out process, I’m back towards the top end of my fitness. My numbers are as good as they were when I was in my 30s and 40s. My conclusion is that I’m working hard and probably closer to my potential than I have ever been.

By my reckoning, I’ll be putting more into the Watt bike and lifting more in the gym than I ever have by the end of the year. I’ll be 52 years old.

Which challenges the thinking that we should accept that we are getting older and that we are unlikely to achieve a PB. That assumption is based on the idea that we were working to our full potential in our 30s and 40s. I clearly wasn’t.

Were you? And if not, why not now?

I’m excited to share with you a series of participatory events for coaches involved in sports and physical activity in the Cardiff area.

Monday 22nd May 2023 @ 7.30pm (GMT) join me on Zoom by clicking here

I’ve been chewing on a question.

What values are most important to you as a coach?

What would I say to a new group that I was coaching? How would I show up as a coach?

I came up with a 6-word story.

Work with what you have got.

The challenge is for the group and the coach to accept the offer. Work to understand what it is that “we” have got. And then decide what it means.

The alternative is to bust out the tests and assessments, have a quick chat about goals, and get prescribing in the hope of change.

If you want to understand our attitude to risk head to a gym and wait for the questions.

How much can you lift?

What’s your 1 RM?

This is Bro shorthand for what is your point of failure?

We build our hopes, attitudes, and systems around being able to nudge our point of failure slightly further north.

The assumption (and it’s a poor one) is that our point of failure points towards our improvement (often unspecified).

Or worse still we feel like we have a point to prove.

But what if we concentrated on building systems that improve general qualities, like breathing patterns, lifting techniques, and stress levels that allow us to show up each day.

Would that not build a better human?

If getting along and getting ahead by playing by the rules is a virtue.

It stands to reason that the most virtuous acts are those by which you stand to gain the most.

And although it doesn’t make sense, it explains a lot.

What makes more sense and yet needs no explanation is that the more virtuous an act the greater the cost to you personally.

One creates attention and status, the other not so much.

Coaches and parents of kids engaged in physical activity. What’s the one emotion that you want to be responsible for passing on?

It’s unlikely to be anxiety.

The temptation is to run a battery of tests, collect 360-degree feedback and create a balance sheet of what is going well and what needs to improve. Find what’s missing and add it in. It’s that simple.

All solid advice. But, there is one thing missing before you find all the other things you think you missed. The willingness to change.

We know change is hard. We also know it takes a lot of reflection and experimentation necessary to make it happen. So before we go ahead and look for what’s missing. It might be worth considering if there is something missing that no test, feedback, or balance sheet will ever help us find.

If coaching is an improvised act then we could argue that makes planning a questionable act.  Which makes it difficult to proceed with certainty when it comes to creating boundaries for your coaching practice.

Here are two boundaries that you might recognise. 

In the pursuit of less Greg McKeown argues “ We need to learn the slow yes and the quick no.”

Yet, Derek Sivers in the book Hell Yeah or No, argues for a fast yes. Anything less than a “hell yeah” leaves us no time and space to focus only on the things that matter the most.

What to do?

Before concerning yourself with a tool, opinion or advice, ensure you are clear on what your success looks like. Intent is your guide.

What do you want to experience?

What do you want to feel?

If you want to act with passion, perhaps try Derek Siver’s advice and if you want to act with caution proceed very carefully with the advice of Greg McKeown.

We all have an opinion but very few of us are matched for success and you are the only one who knows how you want to feel.

My advice is to try it on for size and it if fits and makes you feel good, you know it’s the one for you.

As a coach, you can be in their corner, but you can’t fight for them. You can help them back up on their feet, reframe their success, and share this moment. But you can’t want it more than them, in fact, you can’t want it at all.

You can’t want to be in their corner. You need to be in their corner. There is nowhere else, you want to be.

Not only is writing a letter to your future self a way of imagining who you are going to be sometime in the future. It’s also a solid place from which to reflect.

What did you hope for?

Did you do as well as you had hoped?

Reflection is not nearly as useful if you move the goalposts or have no reference of what success might look like when you first set out.

My eldest told me last week that she was at the back of the cast in stage school because there no one would see her mistakes.

This week, it was an effort to get her to go. Why? “I’m bored.”

Good.

Bored is a signal that it’s time. There is more to come.

Step forward kid, it’s your time, I’m looking forward to watching what you do.

Rather than holding up what we already believe to be true. Coach education would rather graft another level of complexity onto what already exists. Badges are additive, not subtractive.

And yet, clear writing removes unwanted words. Healthy eating removes sugar and in philosophy, the focus is on what something is not, providing an indirect definition.

Perhaps then, we should create coaching badges for clarity of mind, not conformity of thinking.

My interest is in your performance when I push you.

Signs I’m pushing: Try this. Do that.

My interest is in your development when I’m you pull me along at your pace.

Show me what you can do.

A mob is motivated not by its cause but by its effects.

Andrew Tate is not representing young males as Joe Rogan would have you believe. He’s simply playing a game of status. A high-status player giving low-status players a chance to be part of something, a chance to be noticed, is a positive loop for both players.

Positive feedback loops never last. They implode. If you want to understand the mob, look for the effects, not the cause.

In a positive feedback loop. The more we have the better it gets.

For balance, in nature, we also have negative feedback loops.

In nature, stability is dynamic, it takes work, and not just from the side that gives you positive feedback.