The Sixty Minute Father
The sixty-minute father is a simple and powerful reminder of the work of being a father/parent. Applying these simple rules can change how you show up for your children. And in doing so, change their lives and yours.
Goal 1: Seize the day
As a parent, you have a small window of opportunity.
Goal 2: To dispel the illusions
Illusion one: I have no choice.
Illusion two: I’m busy all day.
The greatest illusion of all. The slower day is coming.
Tell me what you got done.
Not how long you worked.
The last choice is time with the children.
How long do you think you spend each day in conversation with your toddlers?
Most guessed at between 15 and 20 minutes a day. Busy men spent on average less than forty seconds a day with their children, split into three encounters of between 10 and 15 seconds each.
In another survey, fathers were spending three minutes a day talking with their children, but the kids were watching 3 hours of television each day.
Talk to her like she understands every word.
Children learn what they live.
When children live with tolerance and fair treatment.
They learn to be patient and fair with others.
When children live with encouragement.
They learn to be confident and secure.
When children live with praise and compliments,
They learn appreciation.
When children live with fairness,
They learn the meaning of justice.
When children live with security
They learn to have faith.
When children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.
When children live with unconditional acceptance,
They learn to find love in God and the world.
Goal 3: To give love without strings
I love you anyway; unconditional love.
When we love unconditionally, we communicate acceptance.
Loved anyway – security.
Share in what they like.
Cook with them.
Traditions.
Set aside a creative time.
Be present, avoid phone (screen-free).
Schedule all important dates.
Find an activity or hobby you can share (not physical fitness dependent).
Read aloud to your kids.
Tell them that you love them every day.
Rx them letters when you are away.
Create a physical connection with them.
Goal 4: To praise my children
Help people reach their full potential.
Catch them doing something right.
The fastest way to get my father’s attention was to do something wrong.
Goal 5: To laugh more with my children.
Goal 6: To set boundaries.
Pick your battles.
No boundaries create insecurities.
Correct the behaviour/thinking, not the person.
Goal 7: Not to delegate the big issues.
More is caught than taught.
Pass on the lessons you learned from your father.
Teach your kid how to handle money.
[My dad taught me: Never be afraid to ask. A masterclass in parenting.]
Goal 8: To rediscover the ordinary
Discover LEGO.
Catch your children doing something right.
Shared experiences > money and gifts with your kids.
Goal 9: To forge a strong relationship with my child
Commitment to building bonds with our children.
Spend time doing the ordinary.
If we want our children to accept our values, we have to pass them on.
Put quantity into to get quality. Quality won’t happen without it.
Grandmothers don’t skip pages or rush their time with their grandkids.
Goal 10: The final goal
Somebody can replace you at work, but not as a father. Your time with your child is limited. Try not to miss one of the days you have with your kids.
Learning the Bicycle (for Heather) by Wyatt Prunty
The older children pedal past
Stable as little gyros, spinning hard
To supper, bath, and bed, until at last
We also quit, silent and tired
Beside the darkening yard where trees
Now shadow up instead of down.
Their predictable lengths can only tease
Her as, head lowered, she walks her bike alone
Somewhere between her wanting to ride
And her certainty she will always fall.
Tomorrow, though I will run behind,
Arms out to catch her, she’ll tilt then balance wide
Of my reach, till distance makes her small,
Smaller, beyond the place I stop and know
That to teach her I had to follow
And when she learned I had to let her go.
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