Our world is subjective, not objective; we give it meaning, and it is impossible to fully share our individual experience with others. We cannot escape our subjectivity.

Adlerian psychology focuses on current goals. If the goal is to avoid doing something, we manufacture a state that provides us with a means to achieve that avoidance—this is teleology.

Teleology is the study of the purpose of a phenomenon rather than its cause.

Events explained through cause and effect are viewed through determinism; what is happening now is a result of what has happened before. Our present and future are already determined based on past events.

Aetiology is the study of causation. Staying in aetiology keeps us stuck.

Determinism explains things through cause and effect and focuses solely on past events. The past does not matter in Adlerian psychology. The focus is not on past causes but present goals. We find ways to achieve our goals—teleology.

For example, anger is a tool—a means to achieve your goal. What we create to achieve our goals feels real—fear, anxiety. All we require is the courage to see our world as simple and uncomplicated.

Adlerian psychology posits that we are not controlled by emotion or the past. Critical to this thinking is the belief that people can change, and our future is not a result of our past; what determines our future is our goal.

If anger is a means to achieve your goal, then so too is unhappiness. Perhaps it brings you attention, or distance from relationships, or freedom from the fear of losing happiness—whatever it is, it helps you to achieve your goal.

Personality and disposition, in Adlerian psychology, are called lifestyle. Around the age of 10, we choose our lifestyle—and if we choose it, we must be able to choose it again. Life is decided here and now.

When we change our lifestyle, we put our courage to the test; it is easier and more secure to live life just as it is.

We get in our own way—we create the conditions for ourselves, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Conditional statements: “If I had money, then…” We find ways to hide, creating the conditions to achieve our goal of not being happy, of bringing attention to our difficulties, and gaining attention through victimhood. The alternative is to accept oneself and have the courage to be happy.

The pursuit of superiority and the feeling of inferiority are stimulants to normal, healthy striving and growth. Inferiority: the value one puts on oneself. Feeling of superiority: the desire to improve.

Inferiority complex: the use of one’s inferiority as an excuse—e.g., being poorly educated or not tall enough to be chosen. We look for causal (cause-and-effect) relationships where there are none. It’s not “I can’t,” but “I don’t want to.”

In our culture, weakness can be strong and powerful.

Fabricated superiority: braggarts seeking affiliation with a brand or famous people to compensate for feelings of inferiority—an attempt to gain authority. Borrowed power: living by other people’s value systems.

A healthy sense of inferiority comes from comparison to oneself, not others. Balancing inferiority and superiority: think about taking one step forward, not in reference to others, since speed and distance vary.

Anger is seen as a personal challenge—a power struggle. Consider what’s behind the action: their goals. If you win, you may see that they act with revenge. Interpersonal relationships that reach this stage are difficult to resolve.

We can convey our thoughts and intentions and be accepted without the need for anger. Don’t tolerate or bear anger; that’s still a power struggle. Anger as a communication tool is a weakness.

I am right.

You are wrong.

Power struggle: The pursuit of superiority is not won through competition with others.

Two objectives:

• Self-reliance
• To live in harmony with society

The psychology that supports these objectives:

• I have the ability.
• People are my comrades.

Three tasks:

• Task of work
• Task of friends
• Task of love

Avoidance of tasks is neither good nor bad, simply a lack of courage.

We suffer trying to meet the expectations of others; we must not seek recognition from others—there is no need to be recognised by others.

Reward and punishment education: praise for appropriate action, punishment for inappropriate action.

If you are not living your life for yourself, then who are you living your life for?

Separation of tasks – whose task is it? 

Who is going to receive the end result brought about by the choice that is made?

When you own the task, you own the situation: Life’s lies – it’s other people’s fault if my work doesn’t go well. The desire for recognition removes your freedom, fulfilling other people’s expectations.  

Living a life trying to gauge other people’s feelings is a desire for recognition or a desire not to be disliked.

When you stand for something, you are not trying to please everyone.

Not wanting to be disliked is a natural desire, an impulse described by Kant as an inclination. When we allow these inclinations to take over, we are not free; we become slaves to our desires and impulses.

All problems are interpersonal problems, and we seek release from them. Freedom is to be disliked by other people. If you exercise your freedom and live a life according to your principles, you have freedom.

To avoid being self-righteous, simply separate the tasks: what people think of you is not your task. The courage to be happy and the courage to be disliked – these are your tasks.

The goal of interpersonal relationships is concern for others 

A sense of belonging is something one acquires through their efforts—community feeling. We are not the centre of the world. A search for places and relationships in which one feels it’s okay to be here. Withdrawal occurs when we lose perspective of the wider community.

Seek a wider view. We seek belonging to a smaller community; keep multiple and wider communities in view—there is more to life than a goldfish bowl. Listen to the voice of a wider community.

Don’t praise.

Don’t rebuke.

In the background is manipulation.

Build horizontal relationships—equal but not the same. Good or bad becomes someone else’s yardstick. Self-acceptance, a feeling of worth, and the courage to face their life tasks are the alternatives to imagining that we take points away from the ideal of 100.

Self-acceptance.

Confidence in others.

Contribution to others;  there is no need to sacrifice oneself. 

Vertical relationships: B is above me, and A is below me. Confidence in others is lacking.

Affirmative resignation—a firm grip on reality, fortitude, and acceptance. Serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to always tell the difference.

We don’t lack ability; we lack courage.

Confidence in others—the opposite is doubt. The choice is ours. If we have doubt or are in some way suffering in the relationship, sever it; that is our task—to have confidence in others.

Objectives for behavior:

Self-reliance

Live in harmony with society.

Objectives for psychology:

I have the ability.

People are my comrades.

Beware of generalisation; one dislikes you, two love you, and the rest are indifferent—who are you going to focus on? Does everyone hate you? Don’t look at one part and judge the whole.

“I am beneficial to the community.”

“I am of use to someone.”

But you are not the one who decides if your contribution is of use; that is a task for other people, and it’s not an issue in which you can intervene. Happiness is the feeling of contribution.

If gaining a feeling of contribution requires us to be recognised by others, we have no choice but to walk through life in accordance with other people’s wishes.

Pursuit of superiority—hoping to improve; pursuing an ideal state—versus acceptance and the work here in this moment—what needs to happen?

Trying to be especially good or especially bad—the goal is to attract the attention of other people, to become a special being.

Being especially good is not so helpful when it goes wrong, so we swing the other way and aim for especially bad to achieve our goal of attracting attention—the pursuit of easy superiority.

The courage to be normal is not to be confused with being incapable; they are not the same thing. It’s certainly not acceptance of mediocrity.

If the goal is to become an author, you optimise and until you achieve that goal, your life is incomplete. We live a life en route life towards a loftier goal. Life is a story, and we play our part as we are en route to the end – what happens to us shapes us and guides us towards our goal – Freudian aetiology – cause and effect.  

When you live your life like a story, you play the part – we live a life that is in line with that story. By focusing on the past or the future, you are giving yourself a way out – what needs to happen now?  

Think of life as a series of moments – dots rather than lines that connect. Focus on doing, not the outcome; the outcome is irrelevant. That’s got to be the goal – present and thinking only about what’s needed in that moment. Avoid postponing life, waiting for the time to do a certain thing. 

Living in moments – life is always complete.  

You should start – that others are not co operative is not your task. Learn to work without applause.